FIVE POOR OLD GRANNIES (Being an account of the suffering inflicted upon us during Colin Lovegrove’s Warwickshire Tour – June 2003)

By Terry Cleary, published in the Sep 2003 gazette

There were, to my knowledge, five grannies on tour. There was my dearest beloved, Meg Dennis and three grannie rings between us. Meg and Gordon had one between them on their tandem. Likewise Amy and I on ours, and then there was Martin, one of Colin’s chums from Abingdon who had one on his semi-recumbent. Colin’s other chum Ron came too but I don’t think Colin or Ron had grannies at least on their bikes.
The routes chosen by Colin were very hard on the grannies. They were made to ride up very steep hills all day long. No sooner had they plummeted downwards from one hill, than they had to endure the agony of climbing up the next hill. And so on, and so on. It really was expecting a lot of the poor old things.
It was noticeable that the two grannies on Gordon and Meg’s tandem were making lighter of it than those on the Cleary’s tandem or Martin’s recumbent. At least the Cleary’s can claim septuagenarian status but some might see that purely as a feeble excuse.
Colin had selected the Stoneleigh Hotel in Southam. The Stoneleigh was rather like Fawlty Towers without the laughs but it was clean, the beds comfy, the proprietor and staff were kind and we had secure storage for our machinery. Southam is a bit of a one-horse town six miles from Leamington but it provides an excellent centre for masochists exploring the hills of Warwickshire.
We arrived late morning on Thursday 26 June, secured our rooms, unpacked, had a quick pub lunch and started out northwest on a circular tour of some 35 sunny miles. One of the sights worth a stop was a canal bridge past Long Itchington overlooking a battery of seven locks. If anyone had doubted the lumpiness of the terrain this provided confirmation. All five grannies worked hard up Napton Hill but were let off for the remainder of the ride.
A well earned dinner was taken that evening having selected a nice pub in Badby from Gordon’s Good Pub guide.
Friday dawned grey and turned out to be the only day we had rain but only two light showers. The first came as we left our 11’s stop in Fenny Compton where we had happened upon a weekly coffee morning at the Methodist Church Room. It was delightful with the good ladies serving tea, coffee and biscuits to the locals and making us very welcome. No doubt they were pleased with the little extra income towards church funds and the vicar took grate pleasure in showing us the small church.
With that under our belts we passed through Avon Dassett for the assault on Edge Hill – or was it the other way round? Edge Hill has un unfortunate history, being the site of the first battle of the English Civil War between the Cavaliers and Roundheads in 1642. The result was declared a draw and I suppose the same could be said for the hill and the grannies in 2003. All the grannies managed to wind themselves to the top. But I can’t imagine any grannies taking part in the bloodbath the first time round.
We lunched in Shipston-on-Stour at a nice café with attentive service, after which right on cue as we were leaving it started raining. And so back to Southam by more hills.
Dinner that evening was taken late and somewhat by chance at the excellent ‘Countryman’ pub on the A426 at Staunton, near Daventry. Late because we travelled in two cars, becoming separated for reasons too complicated to explain here. Suffice to say that our passing and re-passing one another bore similarities to the closing sequence in the Pink Panther film but no gorilla outfit. If it wasn’t for mobile phones we may never have found each another.
On Saturday Colin header for the hills once more making the poor old grannies toil up more climbs. The septuagenarians got off and walked a couple of times thus easing the lot of the two grannies. Granddad had decided that when the computer registered 3mph it was just as quick to walk. Gordon added to the difficulties that day by getting his chain snarled up in the front hanger – right at the start of a nice downward swoop. Of course the first indication of Gordon and Meg’s predicament was when the rest of us having reached the bottom of the steep descent found Gordon and Meg absent. After a bit of a wait we turned round and climber up again, further wearing out three grannies.
On the way to lunch at a nice canal-side pub at Braunston a little way from a jamboree taking place at a narrow boat marina, we came upon two very large pieces of asphalt road surface dumped in a lane with soil scattered all around. It could have meant curtains for anyone hitting it in the dark but with the help of a passing van driver we managed to hump it onto the grass verge. The worse case of fly-tipping I think I have seen and totally irresponsible.
We took lunch outside in sunshine, relaxing with the weekenders. We made a further pub stop later in the afternoon at Grandborough for cold drinks. Again we sat outside and then walked over to admire a beautiful grey mare belonging to one of several young equestrians present. The mare was tethered to a railing having a nice munch of the grass verge. Unfortunately she got fed up with being stared at by a bunch of strangers and started to turn round only to get her legs caught in the tether. This caused her to panic and she started backing and tearing at her tether with one leg. A ton of errant horsemeat soon had us backing away as she broke loose, at which point her young owner stepped in to calm her down. We took our leave and rode the short distance to Southam and dinner again at the same venue, this time nagging to keep together.
We spent Sunday morning on a gentler ride, much to the relief of the grannies with lunch at The Shakespeare pub in Harbury, before a short return to the Stoneleigh, pack up, farewells and home.
Our thanks to Colin for his efficient organisation and route planning. It was much appreciated by all even including the grannies. Altogether we covered 170 miles over two days and two half-days with only one puncture. The grannie on our tandem was laid out horizontally ion the back of our car; the other grannie slept soundly in the passenger seat most of the way home. They had both deserved their rest. I might have to replace one grannie but I’ll keep the other.